An Appeal to Rep. Todd Akin
Dear Mr. Akin,
They say that Missouri is the “Show Me” state. Well, Rep. Akin, I’d like you to meet my daughter. I’d like to show you how dead wrong you are when you say that women rarely get pregnant from rape. I’m writing this letter to let you know that you definitely can, because it happened to me, and I have a 9 year old to prove it.
In your recent TV interview, broadcast to the people of St. Louis, now spread virally all over the nation, you stated “if it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.” You actually made up a new rape category, calling it “legitimate rape” as if there were a kind of rape that wasn’t really so uncivil. Your egregiously ignorant statement presented as biological fact is not only 100% false and personally offensive, but it is also irresponsible and dangerous misinformation to spread.
To your credit, though, after your interview caused a firestorm, you said that you “misspoke.” But you only refer to the lack of empathy you showed for rape victims in the original TV appearance. You did not set the record straight about rape victims not being able to get pregnant. The myth is still out there, seeping into the brains of those who don’t know better.
You did not tell the truth about rape and pregnancy, and you have an ethical responsibility as a public servant to do so, because myths have real life consequences. 75% of rapes are committed by someone known to the victim. Will believing the fallacy you have broadcast embolden those rapists who previously feared getting someone they know or are related to pregnant? It is akin to the deadly biological myth in some parts of the world that having sex with a virgin will cure AIDS. In South Africa, children comprise 41% of the nation’s rape victims, primarily because of this myth.
Without you publicly correcting your false description of the basic biology of female human reproductive functions–which you describe as able to somehow magically foil a rapist’s naughty sperm at will–you harm women, you disrespect us, you disrespect me. And you disrespect my daughter, a child of rape, by denying the ongoing impact her mother’s rape has on her life, and will have on her children’s life, should she choose to have them. Imagine Father’s Day for her. Or imagine her feelings last spring when she was unable to participate in the Father/Daughter dance with her Girl Scout troop. Imagine the questions her friends ask, that other parents ask. They all want to know the story behind the smart little black girl with the single white mother. Imagine her learning her history, as I slowly tell her as age-appropriately as possible, about the obvious missing branch on the family tree. An inevitable annual school project, the Family Tree is displayed for all to see. Last year, my daughter just put the word “Africa” on that side of the tree. What is it like to not know your father, not even his name, but to know what kind of person he was by what he did to your mother? By you not telling the truth–that women do get pregnant from rape–you illegitimize even her illegitimacy.
Your inflexible position on abortion even in cases of rape completely discounts the ongoing psychological, economic, and social struggle for the mother of the child of rape and the reality of the cost to society in providing the social services resources they need to survive, let alone to thrive. My rape was a traumatic, humiliating event, involving more than one attacker, and robbery. I was not a well person at the time of the rape, and that experience didn’t help. I had struggled for 17 years with Major Depressive Disorder. I had been diagnosed with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder a year or so prior (partially attributed to becoming homeless in New York following an unwanted sexual advance from a close and trusted relative) I’d struggled for 12 years with alcoholism (a rampant family disease), and at the time of the pregnancy, I’d been wrestling a year with a crack addiction. In short, I was in no way fit, or ready to be a parent. Pregnancy–from a rape or otherwise–doesn’t cure addiction, mental illness or any other disease. Though today I am 9 years sober, the memory of that hellish period is vivid, lasting up to the hour of my daughter’s delivery–with an emergency c-section that, had I come in 2 minutes later, the surgeon told me, would have cost us both our lives.
Rep. Akin, please try to remember the very worst experience in your life, the most painful and unthinkable time, something that blindsided you. Imagine what it would be like to carry a constant reminder of that moment with you for 270 days. And then every day after that. Some women can’t. They choose abortion or adoption. Others decide to take on the Herculean task, and with exceptional support, some can pull it off. Others like me, are forced by consequences to go through the pregnancy because of addiction’s death grip on our minds, and subsequently, our finances. But we have the legal right to choose in this country, as limited as it is increasingly getting. Bodily sovereignty is a crucial part of recovery from a violent sexual assault. Taking that choice away would violate the victim yet again and prevent her from pursuing peace and healing by any means necessary. By denying this right, you sacrifice the living for a life that has yet to begin.
In your amended, post-firestorm statement, you said:
“As a member of Congress, I believe that working to protect the most vulnerable in our society is one of my most important responsibilities, and that includes protecting both the unborn and victims of sexual assault.”
But it doesn’t include protecting women, does it? Or girls? Rep. Akin, did you know that girls under 12 account for 15% of all the rapes in the U.S.? Forcing a girl to carry a rape pregnancy to term and expect her to raise the child is not protecting “the most vulnerable in our society”. Instead what you do is dehumanize a girl or a woman the minute she becomes pregnant. She is now regarded as the “useless flesh surrounding the uterus” as someone once put it. What you propose denies another human being equal personhood, the right to have sovereignty over her own body, and the human right to self-determine when, how, and if they will become parents.
Last week, CNN carried a horrifying story from the Dominican Republic, about a sixteen year old girl who died because the country’s abortion ban delayed her chemo treatment for leukemia. Her mother blames the government’s interference in her daughter’s body and medical care for her daughter’s death. I see you and your party’s philosophies and policies taking the United States to the same morbid place. As the government and church tried to decide on the best method to save the fetus, and as her mother begged physicians for help, her leukemia went untreated. Another example of sacrificing the living for a life that has yet to begin. How many bills restricting abortion will bring us to these situation? The U.S. comes closer to that with every proposed “personhood” amendment or abortion clinic shut-down. When conservatives in states like Kansas and Arizona are proposing that doctors be allowed to hide information from their patients if they think it could result in an abortion, it’s hard to deny that is where we are headed.
Even in your statement of “empathy” you reveal an enormous ignorance of the reality of the violent crime of rape in this country, and sadly it is shared by many.
“Those who perpetrate these crimes are the lowest of the low in our society and their victims will have no stronger advocate in the Senate to help ensure they have the justice they deserve.”
Rep. Akin, forcing the victim to carry a rape pregnancy to term is not the justice they deserve. The current statistic of 97 rapists out of 100 walking free is not the justice they deserve. Last year, you joined with GOP vice presidential candidate Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI) as the two original co-sponsors of the “No Taxpayer Funding for Abortion Act,” a bill which would have narrowed the rape exception, providing that only pregnancies arising from “forcible rape” may be terminated, whatever that means. The primary targets of your effort with Paul Ryan were Medicaid recipients–the most unlikely to be able to afford an abortion, with the least resources to raise a child, leaving this vulnerable constituency effectively forced to carry their rapist’s baby to term. That is not the justice they deserve.
Rep. Akin, if you want to take action to avoid thousands of unwanted pregnancies per year, stop attacking women’s right to a legal abortion. Instead, why not work on finding a way to make men stop raping us and our children? “32,101 pregnancies result from rape each year,” according to The American Journal of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. If you want to defend life, why not protect the living? That includes the children born from rape.
Instead of cutting funding for programs like Medicaid, Head Start, WIC, and Food Stamps, why not work to ensure their success? The survival of these programs and the thriving of these children are inextricably linked. I know because I have used every single one of those programs, and I give those programs enormous credit for helping us survive, and to defy the odds. Despite our challenges, despite the inherent disadvantages of our circumstances–my daughter is now in the gifted program at her elementary school and reads far above her grade level.
Rep. Akin, I know what it’s like to live with mistakes. I was fortunate to have opportunities to atone for them. You have the same opportunity now. If you want the people of Missouri, and the people of this country, to believe that your apology is more than just words, this is your chance. Tell the truth about rape and pregnancy. The facts are there if you’re courageous enough to admit your mistake–and make it right. In the end, being pro-life isn’t enough. You need to fight for and protect the living.
To help raise awareness and impact change on the ground, please join me in supporting the “A is For” campaign.
Maureen Herman is the former bassist of Reprise/Warner Bros. recording artists Babes in Toyland. After leaving the band in 1996, Maureen wrote for Rolling Stone, Time Warner, and AOL, shortly becoming Associate Editor of Musician Magazine. She refers to 1999 through 2003 as “a tragicomedic hayride of pain and hilarity.” In 2008, she founded Project Noise, a nonprofit that “makes change louder” by amplifying the impact of nonprofits through media. Maureen produced videos for 2010 and 2011 media grant recipients Jail Guitar Doors and Get on the Bus. She is also a writer and a founding member of the Project Noise reproductive rights campaign. A is For. She lives in Los Angeles with her daughter.









Right on sister!
The self proclaimed scientist in women’s health Rep. Akin, along with many heartless, ruthless republicans should live in an isolated island to come up with a more intelligent way of thinking. They are unhuman period.
Wow, what a powerful testimony to the struggles of a rape victim. Maureen, thank you for sharing your story (which was painful, I’m sure) to help set the record straight on a subject that many are still ignorant about. Best of luck to you and your daughter as you continue navigating life.
What a gut-wrenching, vulnerable and breathtakingly beautiful account of your experience. I hope that Rep. Akin (and anyone else that is misinformed on this subject) has the pleasure of reading your words. Thank you for allowing us to share your experience and be made better for reading it. Your daughter is blessed to have you blazing the trails before her.
One day at a time…
Brave and strong. Thank you for sharing. WE NEED OUR VOICES TO BE HEARD.
Dear Maureen,
Thank you for your courage to write such a heart wrenching and thought provoking plea to Representative Akin. Truly you know of what you speak since you have lived it. The deep impact that rape has on its victims and all of society needs to have light shown in the darkness continuously, or else the desperately needed changes have no chance of happening. Thank you for shining your light of knowledge and truth. Ignorance and denial keep those changes from happening, so we must all keep spreading the word about the varied injustices of rape. Healing is necessary for the perpetrators as well, as they are often victims of rape themselves. That cycle needs to be broken by education, re-habilitation, awareness, vigilance, protection, and very real care.
Thank you for living through such a tough journey, finding your true strength and voice, and for raising such a brilliant little girl. I know you are very proud of her and love her with all of your being.
With respect,
Elizabeth
You are so brave and courageous. Thank you for writing this.
Maureen,
What you have written here is absolutely shattering. Your vulnerability and strength are as beautiful as they are enviable. Whatever you do in life, do not stop listening to yourself. Holy shit do you have something amazing in you. Thank you. Thank you, so much for writing this.
Jessica
Amen. Amen. Amen. Everyone should read this! You are an absolutely amazing woman and have such talent to put your words on “paper” they way you do. Thanks for sharing.
Akin has decided to stay in the race, you know … ’cause Jesus wants him to, and Gawd-uh is gonna bless him for it.
Heard that on NPR today.
PLEASE donate to Akin’s Senate Race opponent:
http://clairemccaskill.com
Even a couple of dollars will help. She needs to fight the big bucks that the Sheldon Adelsons and Kochs of the world will be throwing at this jackass Akin.
I’m copying you post, word-for-word, to my facebook page. Maybe it’ll help a little.
I’d ask you to run for office, as what I’ve just read is so much more articulate, thoughtful, life affirming and aspirational (as aspirational as a story generated from a rape can be), but what they would do to you en route would probably be worse than what you went through all those years ago. Thank you for sharing your story and for standing up to an idiot. I fear nothing will come of this, as these stories tend to dry up in just a few days, but I appreciate your strength and courage.
I will not forget. As a woman who is so lucky as to never have been raped, it is something that I am always afraid might happen to me. Even more terrifying is the idea that after the rapist violates my body, the government will do it again by not giving it back to me, and letting me decide what to do with it. I will help to make sure that others do not forget.
Your utter strength and eloquence amazes me and made me weep, both for what you had to endure but also for the incredible mother you are. Thank you from women all across this country…
Thank you for standing up for victems of rape. This brought tears to my eyes. I hate that politicians are using our pain to manipulate the system.
You are courageous and humane. You are also totally you. You are amazing.
Thank you – that’s all I can say.
Hell yes. Eloquent, as always, Maureen. I don’t know which is scarier, this Akin bufoon, or the people who believe – and agree with – this load of crap he’s peddling to them. You are inspiring and one of hell of a mother.
Brave. Important. Wonderful. Best post I’ve seen on this issue since it began. I’ve posted this to my facebook page and it’s already been copied by two people t their pages. What a great role model your daughter has in you.
I admire your courage even more than I detest the reason you felt the need to talk about what was done to you, and your child. All rape is always wrong and to believe or act in any other way is at least as wrong, especially for a person whos statements carry the power of “celebrity”….
Thank you so much for sharing your story, especially in the face of such ignorance and callousness. I absolutely cannot imagine having to live through a rape, even without facing such a difficult and heart-wrenching choice afterward. Your daughter is a very, very lucky little girl to have a hero like you as a mother. Hopefully Rep. Akin will take your words to heart.
Yes well Mike Huckabee understands that sometimes raped people get knocked up but IT’S ALL RAINBOWS because you’re daughter’s awesome, right? http://gawker.com/5936386/mike-huckabee-would-like-to-remind-you-that-rape-has-created-some-extraordinary-people
Maureen,
Thank you for bravely sharing your story and standing up for those who lost or never found their voice. I am a social worker, and know that there are millions out there that can relate on a very personal level to your story. It was humbling, heart wrenching, yet inspiring at the same time.
Thank you, so much, for writing this piece. It needed to be said, by someone with the experiences you have. The poignancy is so moving, and I admire you so much.
Thank you so much for sharing this. Thank you for being the voice for women who became pregnant from rape. It pained me to read the term “legitimate rape” today.
You have my undying love and respect. Thank you for your strong voice.
YOU are a survivor and an exemplary human being. You are far stronger in human compassion and certainly more informed than Mr. Akin would or could ever be. Unfortunately, that all came from personal experience not just a big mouth for political gain. I commend you for standing up for women of rape, children of rape and the social service agencies that keep them all alive. I will not call Akin my his title of Representative because he is NOT representative of any human values that belong in the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. He is cocky, a MAN, NOT a RAPE VICTIM, and should never be allowed to represent anyone for anything. His views and poisonous information will take the care of women and rape back to the stone age where men were allowed to rape what they wanted and beat it in the head too. Step down MR. AKIN and go back to the cave you belong in. STOP HIDING BEHIND JESUS TOO YOU COWARD!
Wow! That’s a pretty offensive comment. I’m surprised that they allowed that comment to post. It seems like people don’t know anything about Christians until they say something they don’t like, and then they are experts. He does represent both human and Godly values that have been a part of the country for as long as it has been founded. I don’t think you know Rep. Akin very well, or you probably would not write what you have written.
So apparently you think Rep. Akin is a good representative of the Christian faith? Seriously? The facts prove otherwise. I know many Christians that would completely disagree with you. So if someone professes that they are a Christian and spouts cruel, false and ridiculous statements it doesn’t matter, because they say they are a Christian? People like Akin and you are the reason why so many people have turned away from the faith. So creepy it makes my skin crawl.
Dear Maureen,
It is sad beyond belief that these so called “christian gentleman” show so little compassion for the plight of women in your situation.
Thank you for sharing what is a very personal experience. Its disheartening that in 2012 there continues to be a need to educate people because of the lies and distortions from people like Rep. Akin.
Great responce Maureen..Proud of you for doing that..You still rock!!!
What bothers me most is that people like Maureen must struggle to earn a living by writing, while jackasses like [your choice of 2012 GOP pol names] get to receive public welfare, or as they would say, “get paid for doing nothing” as elected officials. Revolution!
Thank you for writing this. No one could have said it better. These things to me are common sense; but it has come apparent that not everyone understands. I am with you in your fight!
So very profound!! I admire you for what you have been through. God Bless you and your family. I apologize for an ignorant Missouri Congressman who claims to represent Missouri with his idiotic statements. It’s just an embarrassement.
Thank you for your bravery and honesty. I hope you copied the President, House and Senate on your letter! Your voice is strong and I respect the growth your journey has provided for you.
Right on!
thank you, sweetie for your tough and beautiful thoughts.
Wow, this hurts to read and think that my wife, mother, and sisters could one day have this happen and have no choice in the outcome. I chose to serve my country so people could keep their rights and instead we have people trying to impose their beliefs on others to feel they accomplished something. What a sad day when a person doesn’t have the right to take care of their body and soul at the cost of a baby that hasn’t even been born yet.
Thank you for this courageous post and for living a courageous life.
You go, girl. Thank you for taking the time to make such a heartfelt response to such a heartless comment. Your response is eloquent, and your strength comes through in your words.
What you wrote has affected me in more ways than I can express. Thank you, for everything.
You are so right!
You are so strong!
YOU!I love you!
Thanks!
That was very powerful, Maureen. It must have been very difficult for you to write. I’m so tired of hearing uneducated, ignorant fools preach their version of Women’s Rights. It was just so refreshing to read something so honest. You’re an amazing person.
Thank You.
Your courage and eloquence are inspiring. Thank you for sharing your story, and thank you for fighting for women’s rights and dignity. I second the request for you to run for office!
Thank you – I so admire your courage and your heart.
“Mis-spoke” means “I meant what I said, but a lot of people didn’t like it”… that’s all that means.
Interesting word if you look at it.
Cheers from DownUnder
Lynda
Thank you for sharing. I am so sorry you have to have lived through what you did (and still are having to live through) and on top of that you have to deal with the ignorance and narrow-mindedness of someone like Mr. Akin as well. You deserve better. SMH
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I know how hard it is. I told my own story in my memoir and the things I went through… I was told I didn’t act like a rape victim because I didn’t lay down and die after it happened. Because I saved my clothes, I did all the right things. And after having seven stitches, the cops still had the nerve to ask me if maybe it was buyer’s remorse.
So I applaud you for everything. For writing this, for writing brilliantly, intelligently,for beating your addiction,for taking something horrible that happened to you and fighting for those who can’t stand up and fight.
Thank you.
And please tell your daughter that for everyone who questions the difference in color there are hundreds of thousands who send her special love, concern, admiration for the excellent genes contributed by her mother. Special love is given in open hands.
I also was a victim of rape. Whar Rep. Akin would probably call “non-legitimate” rape. He was my boyfriend with whom I had occationally previously had sex. One noght we had gone out and later got into an argument. I asked him to take me home. We had to stop by his apt first so he could pick up a jacket (supposedly). Once inside his apt, he threw me on the couch. When I objected and tried to get up and away, he started beating me until I stopped fighting the rape. When I called the police the officer said he thought I should press charges but warned me that his experience with the cops, prosecuters and judges was that if you had had sex with the rapist willingly before, “he had a right to expect it”. He warned me I would be the one on trial, not him and would have to put up with accusations and name calling, was I up to that? I elected to not press charges. I went thru years of self doubt and hatred. For weeks I worried about pregnancy (which thank God I avoided) and what I would do. I did not believe in abortion but did not want a child under those conditions and felt I could not raise such a child without resenting it as unfair as that would be. It was a God-awful time. Rep. Akin is a fool who has zero idea of what he is talking about and zero empathy for anyone in such a situation. He should drop out of the Senate race as he has no right to represent more than half of the population with his attitude.
I disagree with you Carolyn. I think Rep. Akin has lots of empathy for victims of rape. And I don’t know why he chose the word legitimate. It was a poor choice of words. And I’m not sure if even he knows what it means. But I can assure you that he has plenty of empathy for all women, including those who have had to endure something that rape.
Sorry, you can’t put words in his mouth then call him a fool.
<3 thank you
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Maureen,
You are strong, smart, well-spoken and you should ALWAYS keep telling your story.
You will always know better as you have lived it. Those that can only speculate – shouldn’t speak about it. And they DEFINITELY shouldn’t make you feel bad about your situation.
Keep fighting and doing the best you can to explain it to your daughter. That has to be more painful than this brainless jackhole stirring the pot.
So beautifully written. So beautiful that you wrote it!
Your courage to share your story is so inspiring. We must speak out against idiots like Rep. Akin. He has zero right to be in the position he is in. How does this happen? I want to fight against him and others with you. Thank you so much for waking us up to such ignorance.
Because I am pro-CHOICE, I support your DECISION to have this child.
This entire horrible thing is about personal freedoms – particularly those that do not even enter the consciousness, much less the experience of rich, white males.
You are a brave woman in so many, many ways!
Thank you for sharing and making this public. You may have seen this, but here is another letter written to Mr. Akin from another rape survivor, the amazing Eve Ensler.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/eve-ensler/todd-akin-rape_b_1812930.html
Thank you for sharing your story and being a voice for women.
Hi reading from SA and the truth is our child rapes are not all because of the HIV myth. Research has been done interviewing child rapists: and they are almost exclusively as a result of poverty, drug and alcohol misuse. None of those interviewed even knew about the myth. Just setting the record straight on that. Our child rape stats are a nation’s utter shame but should never be legitimised because of some myth. I totally agree with your post and well done on talking out. Akin is an arse but sadly is not nearly alone in his way of thinking.
Thank you so much for sharing – the fact that this man is permitted to speak and is still leading the the polls despite being so amazingly, obscenely, breathtakingly ignorant (in that I doubt he can even *find* a vagina let alone have the right to legislate one) is heartbreaking. It makes me weep for the women who will be subject to his particular brand of politics and it’s a shame that he hasn’t been forced to resign.
thank you so much for sharing your truth & writing this blindingly beautiful piece.
Thank you for speaking out so beautifully. Bless you. x
These mindless politicians need to crawl back under the rock they came from. What a fool this guy is. Please know that most men do not think this way and love and respect our female equals. Love always
Thank you for sharing this. Articulate and thought provoking.
I want to thank you for this heartbreaking, honest and powerful piece. Akin is unfortunately, my congressperson. He is an awful, awful human being (and it’s generous referring to him as human). He is incredibly rude to his constituents and is a complete lunatic. A few months ago, he compared the student loan program to stage 3 cancer. My husband is a stage 3 cancer survivor, so you can see how that irked me.
Maureen, you are such a courageous woman and I thank you for sharing your story. Your daughter has a wonderful mother, and I only hope she can grow up in a world where she has the choice to make decisions that should be up to HER and HER alone. Not the government. Not any religious organization.
Also, thank you for Babes in Toyland. Fontanelle is one of my all-time favorite albums. I was fortunate to see you in concert back when I was in college and you made a profound impact on a young woman with low self-esteem.
I have just consumed every word of this brave women. Wow. Rep Akin, you do not know what life is all about. You are more worried about your agenda to ban all abortions, to the point of ligitimizing rape. Walk in each and every womans shoes, Mr. Akin. You do not know their circumstances and their strife, or their personal choices for themselves. You may believe yourself to be holy, but you are an ignorant ass. I hope you read this letter, and if it doesn’t affect you, you are not a human.
You words (and you!)… both brave and beautiful.
Thank you, Maureen.
Maureen confronts Akin’s damaging and outrageous core belief with her Truth spoken eloquently. Mostly women are commenting; men, please read this also. Though you many not be able to get pregnant, you are half of the equation and, at this point in history, in the majority as rulers of our country.
Incredibly moving and powerful, Maureen. Thank you for sharing your story.
That is the most amazing thing I have read in quite sometime. Thank you for sharing your knowledge, thoughts and personal story. You have changed me life for the better. Thank you.
Thank you for writing so movingly, eloquently and powerfully. May you always be given the support you need.
Thank you for being the face & voice of women everywhere. You have, certainly, shown Todd Akin that he is unfit to represent anyone in this country because of his ignorant remark. The fact that he has close ties to Ryan should give pause to anyone (especially women) supporting the GOP platform which is obviously anti-female.
God bless you & your young daughter. May she never have to face the struggles you experienced to get where you are today. I applaud you for all the hardships you have faced & the woman you have become.
Thanks so much for speaking out. I was hoping someone like yourself would have enough courage to do so.
I would like to suggest that perhaps the members of the radical anti-abortion movement don’t really care whether or not families thrive. There is always adoption, they will say. If you can’t afford to keep your baby or the painful memories are too great for you to bear, give your baby up for adoption.
We are the only industrialized nation in the world with a multi-billion dollar a year adoption agency! Each day, more and more infertile people enter the market, but where is the product?
The facts are what they are. We do have a multi-billion dollar a year adoption industry, and it operates like any other industry with a bottom line. The cost to adopt in this country ranges from $5,000 to $40,000. So while I can’t prove an individual’s motivation for being anti-abortion, I do know that babies are in great demand, and abortion really does narrow and reduce the amount of “product.”
Dear Ms. Herman,
You are an amazing lady. You inspire people like me and countless others. Thank you for sharing your story.
Just to say that your collective messages and writings are also reaching us non-US sisters in other parts of the world – keep up the good fight!
What a wonderfully written piece. So sorry for your experience, but thank you for sharing to help educate others. As a single mom, I know how hard it can be, without the circumstances you describe.
Stay strong. Good luck to you and your daughter. Take care.
Well written, and succinctly put. Thank you for your courage in sharing your story, and the intelligent explanation of the aftermath of rape and the need to protect those who most need it. Men will never understand getting pregnant from rape, but they may have more empathy based on your article.
Thank you for your courage and for your strength. And thank you for having a voice when so many others who have been victimized struggle to regain their voice.
If Todd Aiken had any less brain activity, it would be legal to harvest his organs.
It’s shocking and depressing that this person could have ever made it into any public office. This country is doomed.
Thank you for this.
To everyone that read this and/or commented, please vote in the upcoming elections. Take pride in the fact that you can vote and vote on the issues that appeal to you and affect your heart and soul.
Eloquent, passionate, and informative. Blessings to you and your daughter. May the suffering of each of you be eased.
Bless you Maureen for raising your voice as you have. Your words were more civil and eloquent than anything I would have said in your position. I hope that more people will call Rep. Akin out and make him accountable for what he has said. Nobody who has such a serious misunderstanding of the facts and a willingness to spread falsehoods has any business in a place of power in the government. All best wishes to you and your daughter.
This is one of the most powerful essays I have ever read on any topic. Your strength and your anguish is bared for all of us, and it’s one of the most brave things you could do. Your essay gives voice to those victims who are not as strong as you are, and shows that this isssue truly defines how women’s issues are viewed by a great many people in this country. Sadly, in spite of your beautifully written piece, Akin will still get votes from those who lack the empathy and understanding it takes to see how brutal a statement he really made. I wish you and your daughter the happiness that eluded you in the past. She is lucky to have you as her mom.
Hear, Hear! I applaud your courage…
Wow, thank you for sharing this. Stories like yours are the most powerful medicine against morons like Akin.
On a completely unrelated note, my first real concert was a Babes in Toyland show at First Ave in Minneapolis. It made a big impression.
Thank you for this. It was a brave letter to write, and a haunting one to read. My best wishes to you and to your child.
thank you. what so many who are clueless seem to ALWAYS forget is that rape is a crime of VIOLENCE. it is not in any way sexual, it is totally about one person completely hurting/controlling/dominating another. it is no different than having your head split open by a hatchet or being violently pistol whipped, except that you have to try so much harder to forget it because you did not lose consciousness. what a horror to have to bear a child as a result and constant reminder of that.
i have no doubt how jesus would “deal” with a rape victim, no matter the circumstances of the rape. with compassion, healing, care, forgiveness and understanding. forgive me if i believe the healing would probably include restoring the woman’s body to it’s former state.
Very powerful and poignant. You hit every mark with grace and elegance. My only hope is that your words will reach those who NEED to hear them…
I posted the link to this article on my Facebook page. It’s so sad to realize that there are people out there who refuse to be educated because the information that is generally acknowledged as facts goes against their beliefs. I hope that Mr. Akin takes your advice & does the right thing.
Thank You so much for such an eloquently written piece.
Maureen, I would encourage You to check out Sister Giant @ sistergiant.com, if You haven’t already. I believe it is starting in LA, and I feel Marianne Williamson would really resonate with Your story and Your energy.
Blessings to You for sharing the truth and bringing Light into the Darkness. Much Love & Peace to You and Your daughter. Daughters are so precious!!! It is time for us all to rise up and declare the protection for each and every one of our daughters.
Well said, Maureen!! God bless you and your daughter! Rep. Akin needs an education on rape and women, and then needs to set the record straight! ASAP!!
Thank you for your lucidity in the face of blunt prejudice, ignorance and crass bigotry. I admire you and like you instantly
Isn’t Jail Guitar Doors Joe Strummer’s thing?
Thank you,
Thank you for sharing your story. I respect and appreciate your courage and your sharp and insightful writing. I only wish every anti-choice, anti-woman candidate and congressperson was reading this as well.
This shows that Romney would likely not take issue having someone with this viewpoint in a policy position, and that he sides w/ AFA policy people who preach this filth
“Romney Endorsed by, Praised Dr. John Willke, Leading Proponent of Idea That Rape Lowers Pregnancy Risk”
http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2012/08/romney-endorsed-by-praised-dr-john-willke-leading-proponent-of-idea-that-rape-lowers-pregnancy-risk/261358/
Hailing him as “The Father Of The Pro-Life Movement” and “an important surrogate for Governor Romney’s pro-life and pro-family agenda,” the Romney for President campaign in 2007 welcomed Willke’s endorsement.
“I am proud to have the support of a man who has meant so much to the pro-life movement in our country,” Romney said in a statement at the time. “He knows how important it is to have someone in Washington who will actively promote pro-life policies. Policies that include more than appointing judges who will follow the law but also opposing taxpayer funded abortion and partial birth abortion. I look forward to working with Dr. Willke and welcome him to Romney for President.” – Mitt Romney
http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2012/08/romney-endorsed-by-praised-dr-john-willke-leading-proponent-of-idea-that-rape-lowers-pregnancy-risk/261358/
As much as I hate to see the demise of someone’s career over a verbal faux-pas based on false beliefs, I dare say Akins is on his way out. Even in the Old Testament, rape is a sin worthy of death. The bloodline of Christ was to be protected. What I want to see, since I do not believe we will take abortion rights away from any mother in this country, is for each mother to be fully informed and supported in her decision…a private one for those that choose abortions, and a publicly non-humiliating life with education and support (morale and otherwise, if necessary) for those that choose life for their child.
I walked to the door of the place to abort in Austin, TX, in 1988, my third visit, and stopped for a second to pray. I said, “God if you don’t want this baby to die, don’t let it happen today.” It did not, and just this year that son has had his very first biological child, my very sweet grandchild, and I would have erased that if I had aborted my son. I raised him by myself, and it was a struggle, but so very worth it.
What I don’t see in this discussion is how much Ms. Hermann loves her child; all I see is her heartache still, when what I want to see is her teaching her child to stand tall and confident and know she is loved. I sense a lot of bitterness, even though her report was very gently tempered. I just see her ache more than love, I would like her to not think of her child as “the child I got because I was raped”, but the child I love and am blessed with. That is missing, so I pray a healing. Children are still blessings, never mistakes if they come through. And I don’t see that here. Let’s pray that turns around for them both. Let’s encourage them to get through the bitterness to allow the past to be behind them and a bright, worthy future ahead. If we let the past define our future, we hold ourselves in bondage. Not to place blame, but to allow light to come and heal. We love you, Ms. Herman, and your daughter.
I remember how bitter I was when my child was young, and it probably took my child’s child to give me renewed hope. I am grateful the battle is behind me.
As women we stand shoulder to shoulder in this battle, not against men, but against the perpetual evil. And yet we are often alone when we face the hardest, darkest battle. This is a struggle of many milleniums, not one we can solve quickly as long as there are Akins and misinformation in the world. And originally, it is not Akin’s fault, but the fault of the rapist…he should be shouldering the blame and made to pay. WE, men and women alike, have been letting rapists get away with it for too long. If rapists were held accountable, there would be less rape, and men would truly learn to cherish women. May that be the lesson we carry forward. That and love.
Suzanne, I very much got the impression from reading this piece that she loves her daughter. She has not put upon the daughter the bitterness that she has towards the rapist. That said I would say she is fortunate to have worked this out and with help from programs that are often funded by taxes.
This is an emotional piece. It brings to the forefront the complex issues that neither the pro-choice nor pro-life wishes to consider. How difficult it is to come to the decision for abortion. It also demonstrates the need for unbiased counseling when someone is confronted with such a decision. The entire subject of abortion cannot be reduced to sound bites which for the most part is what the issue has been reduced to.
Never have I read such a moving account of two peoples survival and triumph over despair and cruelty.
Well done Maureen, may you keep fighting the hard fight that others can’t, or won’t.
Begs the question
how do such ignorant, if not retarded, sociopaths get to advance so far in public office and pillage so handsomely from the American taxpayer?
Thank you for your courage and honesty. The world needs more people willing to stand up for the truth in the face of so many lies. I hope life is better and easier for you in the future than it has been. This is a pretty heroic piece of writing.
Your bravery to speak so honestly about everything is both humbling and inspirational. I thank you and join others in wishing only health and contentment in your future.
So, if Rep. Akin was raped by someone with HIV/AIDS, he’s confident his body would just rid itself of the virus. I think not. This is an excellent appeal to his misguided, ignorant comments. I think these politicians really believe what they are saying but the problem is ignorance. Peer pressure. This is what I should believe, therefore, I do. Maureen, I just watched a TED video on vulnerability this morning (http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html) and you have achieved it, which means you are one of the courageous ones. Maybe a secondary result to what your initial intent was but I want to thank you for it. It cannot be easy to put it all out there so publicly. And while you were seeking no such thing, I believe, I want to send my prayers and love to you and your daughter. I think it is tremendous that she has turned out to be such a bright young girl. Thank you so much for sharing, retoring, and mostly for your courage!
Your words are eloquent and profound. You touched my heart. I commend you for your turning around your life and taking something so horrific and make it into something very good. Sharing your experience and your hardship puts a face and a heart on the word “rape” in all its badness.
It is my hope your word reaches all people and that their hearts will be touched like mine.
Especially those, who are ill-informed or stubborn in their believes.
It is hard to believer, though true, that there are herds of people believing unrealistic and untrue stories. The best way to reach those, is by heartfelt and compelling true stories.
Thank you and bless you and your child.
RJ
My friend sent me this because she knows I’m a die hard Babes fan but had know Idea I too am a product of rape. My mother was 13 and gave me up for adoption (forcibly) not sure. Was put in many foster homes and I can’t remember all abuse other than a boy occasionally smothering me. I was eventually adopted,the family split apart and then I was molested by stepmale-doesn’t deserve the title dad. My new mother resented me for this selfish act by her new husband and made my life hell for nine more helpless yrs. I suffer from ptsd resulting from phisical,verbal, mental,sexual abuse. You know what I never told anyone until I turned 18 and everyone that has ever cared about me knows about this and I won’t stay quiet! Nobody wants to abort unwanted children but nobody cares what happpends to them either. If the social worker could have checked in on me at somepoint later w/ out them knowing I would have begged profusely to get me out of there! Maureen maybe we could help the unwanted that get passed around like puppies. I don’t know family history when I fill out medical info. I just tell them it doesen’t apply to me I was adopted. I always wanted to protect them but didn’t know how. We need a bill passed to protect them until they turn 18. Thanks Maureen lots of love Kt!!!!!
Amen to that sister. All we ask is a choice. Is that really too much?
“I see you and your party’s philosophies and policies taking the United States to the same morbid place.” HEY, don’t bunch us together. A Party may have some of the same beliefs and such but that doesn’t make us the same people.
IT IS BECOMING MORE AND FRIGHTENING TO SEE AND HEAR THE SO-CALLED “LOGIC” THAT SOME OF OUR ELECTED OFFICIALS ARE USING. UNFORTUNATELY, THERE ARE MANY MORE LIKE REP. TODD AKIN STILL ACTIVE IN OUR GOVERNMENT. WHAT A SHAME. “MIKE”
Love to you. Thank you for your honest, honest response to Aikin’s ignorant, harmful, and hateful statements. You really really do Rock SIster!!!!
Thank you so much for your clear and honest response.
Hopefully your story might help others navigate waters fraught with so many emotional, and ideological, rocks and shoals.
Much respect to you. Good luck to you and your daughter.
n.
The self proclaimed scientist in women’s health Rep. Akin, along with many heartless, ruthless republicans should live in an isolated island to come up with a more intelligent way of thinking. They are unhuman period.
An amazing story with a personal knowledge of one the most horrific human acts. I admire your strength and your ability to talk about your experience so candidly. I feel for both you and your daughter and the challenges you have both faced in the past and will continue to face throughout your lives. I pray that, despite the pain of that horrible act, you have and will have joy in one another. For the record, I do take umbrage – not with you but with those who lump Akin in with the groups (ie, “Christian”, “Pro-life”, and/or “Republican”) with whom he is affiliated. I consider myself all of the above, yet I do not presume to judge any woman who chooses to abort a pregnancy, whatever the reason. Under your circumstances, I doubt I would have the courage to endure the pregnancy, let alone raise the child. That being said, I do believe that the innocent child created by such violence should have the chance to live the life he/she was given. There are people in this world who desperately crave a child who cannot have one of their own. My own daughter is one and, yes, the adoption process does cost enormously. The biggest fly in that particular ointment is the fact that whether a woman is ready for parenthood or not, some bond does form between mother and child while the child is still in the womb, which causes many mothers seeking someone to adopt their child to change their mind once that child is brought into the world. Having lost my mother at a very early age, and based on your description of your life before this tragic event in your life, i can vouch for the fact that your daughter is lucky to have a mother who loves her enough to go through so much the raise her by herself. Not having a father in her life should certainly be much easier – if that is possible – in this day and age than in former generations. And if you can let her know how much you love her, nothing can defeat her. It seems to me that based on the changes she has made in your life, hard as they may have been, she has been more of a gift or blessing from God.
Beaitifully written. Thank you.
Dear Ms. Herman,
Thank you for this post. As a male, I can never know the feelings that you described in your post when discussing your feelings when pregnant but I flinched when I heard the words “legitimate rape” from Akin’s mouth. I was disgusted when I heard some people somehow agree with that notion.
Once again thank you for writing this.
From,
Russ
Ms.Herman,
Thank You. Direct, Clear, poignant dare I say. Many blessings and respect to you. some times in the circles I hear the saying..”where your gifts meet with the worlds needs, you may find g-d.”
I see your courage and insight nearing those needs. Keep moving sister.
Thanks Maureen
Thank you for sharing your story. I am at a loss for words. I was simly blown away. Your daughter is a lucky young lady to have such a strong and devoted mother.
You are truly an amazing women. I praise you for being so courageous as to share your story with the world wide web. It looks like it has attracted much attention! Thank you for helping to make a more positive change on our world, it is much appreciated by many. I’m so thankful there are people like yourself here on earth to defy the odds and create awareness!
I think this is a very skewed commentary on the plight of women, that someone would use a simple comment, possibly mistaken, for political or organizational gain. The idea that human life in the womb, the value of it, depends on the age of the mother or their circumstances. Teenagers with babies have less value in society, so their babies have less value, should be more easily aborted. Mothers in vulnerable situations, who are possibly addicted or in less than perfect circumstances should automatically be allowed to end the life of their baby. What you are telling us is that human life depends on the circumstance that we are in. Are you teaching that to your child? I had you because I was in a better place, but if I were addicted to drugs or really poor, I might have had you killed, like your younger brother or sister.
It isn’t that your situation was not tragic. But where is the justice for the baby? If you think about rape, and allow women an out or kill unborn human life, what about the rapist? Why should the rapist not be killed as well. The mother and the baby are both victims. The rapist is the perpetrator. A mother, if she decides not the abort it, has to suffer for nine months for her unborn child because she was the victim of rape, if she gets pregnant. She suffers the shame of her crime. Probably guilt. But does killing the child really solve the problem? Are we really helping society to be kinder or more compassionate to women who get pregnant from rape to allow them to just kill the unborn baby?
You are trying to tell us that women suffer because of the crime of rape, but at the same time that women should not suffer along with their unborn child.
The sad truth is that Akin and Ryan will look at your story and say you made it and therefore so can anyone else. You are the shining example to them of success after Rape and keeping the baby. They won’t see your struggle, they will only see that you decided to raise your daughter. You have done a remarkable job, but most couldn’t do as well but they won’t pay any attention to that point.
Aiken will never get it. Women everywhere need to stand up and scream about idiots like him who think they can do whatever they want to women, married or not. Those days are over.
Thank you for an articulate and passionate message to Rep. Akin. I wonder if he reads it?
I totally support you, Maureen Herman.
I do have one concern with how anti-choice people will spin this.
You had a drug addition for a long time before the pregnancy. Once you had your child you went completely sober. MIght an anti-choicer look at this and say “The baby was a gift to you because it brought you out of the depths of a drug addiction!”
Just curious peoples thoughts.
Thank you for your poignant article. Hopefully it will inspire women in our country to become politically active. We must realize and take to heart the statement “if you don’t have a place at the table, you are probably on the menu”.
GET YOURSELVES TO YOUR VOTING BOOTH, obviously womens suffrage movements saw this coming years ago.
There IS a tiny bit of truth in what Akin said. But he jumped to a BIG conclusion.
“The science of this is established both in human and mammalian non-human reproductive biology. Cortisol is released at times of acute stress, as for example violent acts, and is acutely inhibitory of ovulation at the level of the pituitary gland so that luteinizing hormone — the ovulation hormone — is suppressed (Reprod Biomed Online. 2012 Aug;25(2):180-9. Epub 2012 Apr 3, and Gynecol Endocrinol. 2012 Mar;28 Suppl 1:9-13.)
And then there is the growing body of scientific evidence among specialists in so-called “assisted reproductive techniques”, to the effect that stress can uniquely handicap the achievement and maintenance of pregnancy during IVF cycles (Fertil Steril. 2011 Aug;96(2):404-8. Epub 2011 Jun 30; Arch Womens Ment Health. 2012 Jul 6. [Epub ahead of print]). It is more than clear that an acute act of violence would easily seem to be just the kind of stressor uniquely capable of interfering with ovulation or even implantation, in the event conception occurred.
Anthropologically and teleologically speaking and apart from empirical data, a mechanism selecting against pregnancies from rape would also be of unique value to species, woman, and child, as a survival advantage is conferred on pregnancies free of this type of violence.
ANd the available science agrees with HIlgers’ 1.6% assessment. Perhaps most importantly, although the 1996 paper often cited by proponents of the abortion for rape and incest “exemption” did report a 5% incidence of pregnancy from acts of rape (Am J Obstet Gynecol. 1996 Aug;175(2):320-4; discussion 324-5.), this is very likely a gross overestimate, as the authors themselves imply that they might well have significantly underestimated the number of individual rapes because of the common problem of rape under-reporting, thereby overestimating the pregnancy rates. Moreover, the authors may have conflated some statutory, volitionally consensual rapes (presumably lower stress instances) with strictly nonconsensual ones (violent or higher stress instances; i.e., Akin’s “legitimate rapes”), again leading to pregnancy overestimates. A staggeringly high percentage of the reported pregnancies from rape and incest occur in adolescent women, where predation and victimization are often chronic and repetitive, and the perpetrators are often familiar to the victim (involving dysfunctional and violence-prone broken homes), so that for every reported pregnancy there often already has been a repetitive pattern of predatory acts. Finally, more recent and updated data suggest a much lower incidence of pregnancy after rape, on the order of 1 to 2% (J Med Assoc Thai. 2009 Jul;92(7):885-90).
Amen, sister and thank you for joining us in the fight against victim blaming and shaming. Thank you for courageously sharing your (heartbreaking) story. It’s so hard for us to talk about these things, but when you do, you liberate others to follow suit. You speak for me and so, so many women I know. Sending love to you and your family from Iowa.
Thank you so much for this beautiful, strong, unapologetic, unafraid letter. Its humanity made me cry and reminded me how important it is to fight for more humanity in the world when there is so much monstrosity spewing from our government and the people who are supposed to ‘represent’ us.
You are a hero. Stay sober and keep up the great work.
I will be sharing this article with all my friends. As a man, I often have trouble articulating to other men my feelings about privilege and “sovereignty of the body.” This article will make a great reference point. It’s articulate, detailed, and drawn from the best possible research.
Your daughter sounds like she will be an amazing woman one day. I’m really overcome with admiration.
Thank you, Taylor. This made my day–and more.
OK, now I am fighting back the tears. Your courage inspires me. PLEASE, DO NOT GIVE UP YOUR FIGHT. People like Akin MUST BE STOPPED. All evil needs is for good people to do nothing. Good luck and best wishes. John
Rape is a horrible crime, but so is murder. You shouldnt create two victims where there was only one before.